Earn Your Right to Balance

As a brand new, baby, naïve entrepreneur, I am constantly receiving a deluge of information about balancing intense dedication, and super hard work, with self-care.

Countless “don’t do what I did” stories about entrepreneurs literally working themselves into the ground for 2–3 straight YEARS before finding themselves in a puddle on the floor unable to get up. And having to put their life back together.

“I was working 7 days a week until I realized all of a sudden I had no friends!”

“I gained 40 pounds and didn’t even realize it until my doctor laughed in my face!”

“My kids forgot what I looked like after a while! Seriously!! Don’t do this!!!”

At this point it almost seems like a rite of passage. Burn yourself out in order to earn your right to balance.

I keep thinking in my head — seriously?! Do I need to go through that in order to learn or can I just… skip that terrible “point of no return?”

I feel like some days I want to work my butt off, and other days I want to rest. It’s not a one or the other thing for me. Am I missing something?

I get it. Self-care is super necessary to the longevity of your business/professional career because all you have is you. If you’re not taken care of, you can’t take care of anyone else. Sure thing! Of course… blah blah blah.

I appreciate this movement towards investing in ourselves, and I think it is a net gain for the over-worked and under-recovered American workforce.

As much as this message is positive — it’s SUPER difficult to implement sometimes.

Sometimes your productivity feels like it defines your self-worth. ESPECIALLY as an entrepreneur. And a young adult in general. You’ve got to keep your life moving — laundry in the machine, dishes done, relationships progressing, body in good shape — the list is never ending.

Sometimes the most satisfying thing is a long ass work day where you feel like you’ve completely run yourself ragged and feel totally drained at the end.

The drain is beautiful. Personally, it fills me with purpose and satisfaction beyond anything I’ve ever felt before.

I get to rest now — and feel like I’ve earned this rest. It might seem like a flawed mindset, but is it?

Sometimes I wonder if all of this emphasis on self-care and balance is really our avoidance of an urgent underlying problem.

Perhaps, the problem isn’t a lack of sleep or time spent doing activities that we enjoy.

Is it possible that we’re on autopilot — and don’t know how to snap out of it?

It’s a flawed cliché that if you love what you do you won’t work a day in your life. You’ll work for sure — no matter what you do — but the work will feel nourishing rather than completely draining.

If your work feels purpose-driven and comes from a DEEP, real sense of self and complete understanding of your “why” — it takes a lot less energy to motivate yourself on an everyday basis.

And you also don’t need to replace this endless void of an unknown self, and therefore a lack of direction, with a ton of work.

You don’t need to busy yourself because you’re hiding from having no idea what the fuck you’re doing or who you’re doing it for.

You can have both. You can work super hard and know when you need to rest and should rest.

If you love what you do — you’re learning about something you love as you complete the tasks. You’re gaining knowledge on multiple levels — through the content and the experience as well.

Getting up every day to go to an unfulfilling job for an undefined purpose is more draining than any position with a clear mission ever would be — no matter how much you’re busting your butt.

It’s just the truth.

When your work encapsulates your passion/interests it takes so much out of you because you’re putting so much into it. You don’t need to force the effort, the process that really drains us, it just happens.

Now I want to pause, take a moment and acknowledge the fact that not everyone has the luxury to quit their job tomorrow and go after something intangible that would nonetheless make them happier.

There are individuals out there with life circumstances that may inhibit this type of radical transformation in the near future, i.e. responsibilities like a family, student loans, mortgages, etc. I get that — I really do.

I’ve had the privilege to have these responsibilities lifted off of my shoulders — and to these people I would say your longing for a fulfilling life is no less valid. You do not have less agency over how you live your life because of these things.

For you, let’s make the intangible tangible through identifying agency you do have over your day to day. Because there are these identifiable things no matter who you are.

How do you want to serve the world? If it can’t be professional at the moment, how can you answer the call in other ways?

How can you find this calling? How do you answer it?

I don’t think there’s one answer to these questions. I know that’s annoying — but I really don’t.

There are many forms this process can take — and let that be full of possibility rather than irritatingly vague.

For some — this is going to look like doing a deep dive into your repressed emotions, traumas, fears, limiting beliefs and destructive habits. Getting out of your own damn way as fast as possible.

For others, it’s going to be taking all of the self-work and self-discovery you’ve already done and channeling it into a quest for work that aligns with what you want to bring to the world. Translating that work into a plan of action, per se.

For others, it’s going to look like a super defined vision, direction and actual position you’re looking at — but the summoning of the guts and balls to actually take the leap and fucking get yourself there.

This last one might be the hardest path of all. It takes A LOT of guts to pivot into what you actually love.

It takes just going for it without having any idea whether you can actually pull it off or not.

It takes relying on something intangible within yourself that you’ve felt glimpses of before, but never demanded anything from in this capacity.

In this way, you show up for yourself in one of the most beautiful ways possible.

It takes looking at yourself and being completely honest and transparent. It takes getting over the fear of failure as you take on this mission.

You might fail at something you’re actually deeply invested in, versus something that you’re doing because you have to, but don’t really care about. See the difference?

It’s deep trust and the stakes are way higher.

It’s not about setting something up to be perfect and a guarantee. It’s about letting the situation ebb and flow and challenge you in the ways it’s supposed to because that’s what life does when you’re playing all out.

It’s not about finding a job you love, necessarily. It’s about finding a job that brings about a version of yourself that you love.

Getting THERE takes intense work.

We can work jobs we adore but still feel that something is missing. Sound familiar? It’s because you’re missing all of that other crap.

It’s okay — no one talks about it! So let’s start figuring it out now.

It’s about finding a part of yourself that most people never find within themselves.

The part that’s always overcoming fears, because it feeds off of that.

The part that’s never done going through the shit, because it irrevocably knows that it can and will survive.

The part that creates new challenges because that’s where all of the real magic exists. That’s only consistently fulfilled when it’s overcoming new challenges.

It takes staring right into the stuff you’ve built up over years of life, the hurdles, emotional baggage, deepest insecurities, expectations and shame — and actually honoring it.

Our deepest triggers are really just parts of ourselves that are begging to be seen. And when we REALLY see them and learn from them, there’s so much to be gained.

Don’t get me wrong, there are days when I wake up and have to quite literally force myself to work. It’s not pretty, and there’s a lot of watching of guilt-ridden Instagram stories in the process. When these days roll around I know it’s time for a check-in.

So let’s go do it. Whether it’s through journaling, counseling, long walks by yourself, solo travel — whatever it is — go looking for these parts of yourself. It won’t take as long as you think it will.

If we’re tuned in, the call is very easy to hear.

It’s not about coming home from a job you hate and zoning out to Netflix because it’s “self-care.” That’s bullshit. And it won’t get you anywhere you want to be.

Really invest in yourself.

Really take a look at what you NEED, not what you want — and you’ll find everything you want within.

This doesn’t mean that recovery isn’t there — it is. It’s just as important as the struggle — but you’ve got to do the work to get there, and have it actually mean something.

You’ve got to struggle to have the time spent recovering be time spent investing in something REAL. Not something you need a break from — but something you need a break FOR.

You can find this meaningful balance. You just have to earn it first.

Photo by Jon Flobrant on Unsplash